I recently uncovered some long-forgotten childhood trauma. The brain is clever and keeps some memories tucked away in the dark for as long as it has to, until one day, if ever, the body, mind, and soul are strong and resourceful enough to deal with them. I “spoke to the part of my body that stores my trauma (deep in the left side of my tummy) and it said we could make a deal: I (that which stores my trauma) will show you what I’m keeping from you, under one condition: that you REST.
What is “rest”?
To rest is to be as one is, without effort to be what one is not. So who are we when we are not trying? Who am I?
I’ve always made an effort to hold myself to other people’s highest standards. I’m told that, as a baby, I cried in silence so I wouldn’t disturb the adults in the room, earning myself the label of the “good child”. As the oldest of 3, I’ve always strived to be the perfect role model of a son, a big brother, and an upstanding 3rd parent. And as an adult, I’ve made it a (THE) point to put my knowledge, talents, resources, and time at the service of helping fix some of our biggest fuck-ups as a species (a.k.a. the climate, food, waste, and ecological crises). So, what exactly does resting mean for me as a 33-year-old overachieving workaholic entrepreneur?
Resting means letting go of the attachment to satisfying other people’s expectations of me. It means forgetting about all the things I “must” do and figuring out all the things I “want” to do. Is that selfish in a world that is in so much pain? Perhaps. But I think we all need to put ourselves first when our mental health and emotional well-being are at risk.
It’s been almost 2 months that I’ve been trying my hardest to rest, and here are the main things I’ve done for myself:
- Stepping back from online consulting, as the disconnected nature of the work from the “real world” was draining my soul. If I come back to it, I’ll do it very differently.
- Putting Nested CoLab, my beloved 3-year-old company, on pause (for now).
- Started saying “No” to 95% of Zoom video calls, doing only voice calls so I can walk in nature while I talk, or not doing them at all.
- Quitting all online work, unless it is EXTREMELY attractive to me.
- Jump with both feet into my sourdough pizza venture (@pizzasdeventanamx), which fills me with so much joy and healthy carbs.
- Cooking for myself 4-6 hours/day, napping frequently, and exercising just for the joy of it (not to stay “in shape”).
- Connecting with all the things I used to enjoy as a child (movies, bugs, airplanes, drawing, etc.).
- Doing a 3-day Tech-Detox Challenge, which I’m dubbing my “Back to the 90’s” micro-experience. More on this in a sec.
I’m currently on 2 of the 3-day challenge (although by the time you read this, I will be past day 3, for obvious reasons), and the experience is being so insightful that I’ve become inspired to write it out for you. So here it goes…
Pablo & screens
My relationship with screens has been increasingly problematic over the years, to the point where I can hardly take a shit without my phone. Like many in my generation (and those below it, perhaps some of you above it), I’m a junkie for the dopamine hit that scrolling through Instagram, watching YouTube, reading emails, or binge-watching Netflix provides. And if that wasn’t enough, I’ve worked fully remotely for the past 3 years so my retinas are dripping down the underside of my skull at this point.
But beyond the state of my eyeballs, what worries me the most is that I struggle deeply with the thought of a silent background because the ocho of my (often lonely) mind is too loud for me to bear. So I scroll, and I binge, and I play Spotify until the threat of silence is gone and I can rest in a parallel reality that is not my own.
In summary, my screen-life balance is fucked.
OUR collective problem with (consumer) technology
How many hours a day do you spend staring at pixels on glass? When was the last time you went a full day without looking at a screen (any screen)? Do you even know what it feels like to be truly alone with yourself anymore?
My answers:
- Too many
- Yesterday, but before that, when I was 13
- Not really, but I want to
The problem with our societal addition to consumer technology (i.e., smartphones, tablets, laptops, smartwatches, etc.) isn’t to do so much with the technology itself, but with our biological addiction to it. I doubt you haven’t experienced this in your own body, but if you don’t believe me check out the research for yourself (e.g., 1, 2, 3).
Technology is carefully designed to take so much of our attention that we are no longer truly present. We’re not present while we walk the streets, we’re not present with the people around us, we’re not present with Nature, and (most importantly) we’re not present with ourselves. And IT’S ONLY GETTING WORSE.
What are our chances of being happy in life if we can’t be fully present to enjoy it?
Well, as it turns out, being present is a prerequisite for resting, which is why avoiding the things that distract me from myself is being so important throughout my healing journey. But I doubt you need to be healing from trauma to benefit from this detox, so here you go…
RULES to The Method
The 3-day Tech-Detox Challenge is very simple:
Don’t look at screens for 72 hours straight while going about your normal day.
Too simple? Here are some do’s and don’ts to give you some more to think about.
Do’s
- Get bored
- Cook
- Read
- Be social
- Craft
- Have sex
- Meditate
- Journal
- Exercise
- Get creative
- Play board games
- Dance
- Take pictures
- Climb a mountain
- Take pictures
- Play music
- Paint
- Sleep
- Get (or give) a massage
- Observe Nature
- Nap, nap, nap
- Explore someplace new
- Make a puzzle
- Sing
- Build an airplane
- Etcetera times infinity
Don’ts
- Look at screens (using a dumbphone and a camera are allowed)
Why the 90’s theme? Not to romanticize those times, but I was much more happy, creative, and present back then. Technology, at least the one I was exposed to, wasn’t designed to keep us addicted to it all of the time. It was more social and convivial, unlike most tech nowadays.
Why 3 days? Because we all have lives, and as much or as little as we might like it, modern tech is deeply interwoven into the processes and infrastructure of our world, so escaping from it for longer is very hard and will likely lead to us failing the challenge. Three days is just the right amount of time for you to feel the withdrawal symptoms in all their glory, as well as the benefits of being present, without anyone missing you too much (at work or at home).
My final words
As I mentioned earlier, I’m currently on day 2/3, and for the first time since I was in high school (some 15 years ago), I’ve written a whole essay ON PAPER, BY HAND. I couldn’t be more proud. I also slept in my tent under the stars last night, a memory I’ll always carry with me, had dinner watching the sunset (and not a TV show, as per usual), and deep (DEEP!*) cleaned my entire house, which made me feel more accomplished than I ever thought it could.
*I even cleaned my USB cables. Didn’t even know you could clean those.
Having said all of this, I am well aware that taking a 3-day break like I’m doing is a privilege not available to all. I hope everyone can find their own way of taking care of themselves in ways that work for them. For someone like me, this has been well worth my while.
I’ll probably post a second entry detailing what I did and how I felt throughout these three days, as well as how to design my life so that I can have a healthier relationship to tech moving forward. In the meantime, stay safe, be bored, get creative, have fun. Rest. Be You.
With love,
Pablo